10 Camera Department Crew Jokes

Behind the Lens 10 Comments


No industry is complete without a set of its own jokes and filmmaking is no different. I’ve heard a few jokes on set that lead to a good chuckle so I wanted to round up as many camera department related jokes as I could find. It turns out that despite no electricians residing within the camera department, that there’s an awful lot of light bulbs to be changed. Ten camera crew related jokes after the jump…

1. What’s the heaviest thing a camera assistant has to carry?
The operator.

2. How many camera assistants does it take to change a light bulb?
Never Mind. It’s already done.

3. How many camera assistants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five — one to do it and four to tell you how they did it on the last job.

4. How many old cameramen does it take to change a light bulb?
Three – one to change the bulb, and two to reminisce about how much better they were back in the good old days of film.

5. How many videographers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. What do you think the gain is for?

6. How many DP’s does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, if he’s got a good crew to do it.

7. Why don’t DP’s smoke?
Because it takes them 6 hours to light it.

8. What is the difference between a DP & God?
God doesn’t think he’s a DP

9. During a re-lighting the DP and the Camera Operator end up arguing. The DP says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Operator argues the opposite: 70% work and 30% pleasure. They can’t agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is the Loader doing coffee rounds. They ask him his opinion. He gets their permission to speak freely. And so he says: “Well, if you really ask my opinion, I’d say it’s all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you’d have me doing it!”

10. In the beginning God created the DP.
God saw the DP and said he was good.
The DP saw God and said: “Turn your head, I´d rather have it back-lit.”
God said:”But I am God!”
The DP said:”I don’t care who you are. Front-lighting is no good.”
And God turned his head.

Jokes via: Mart Weiss, DVInfo, REDuser, Doug Hart @ SoFT

For more camera department related shenanigans, I’d recommend learning more about the ninja slate, Tarantino’s 2nd AC, and all sorts of gems can be gleaned from the RED Wizard Timmy Rubensteiner.

About the author:

About the author: Evan Luzi is the editor and founder of The Black and Blue as well as a freelance camera assistant.

You can learn more about him or follow him on Twitter and Google+.

The digital cinema pocket guides are available now.
  • Mr. Sifuentes

    lmao! Good ones.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000221712359 David Morgan

    How many ACs does it take to change a light buld?
    A: That’s G&E.

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  • Schumacher Bjorn

    This is a good joke to tell to young grips who carries too much sandbags or run on set,

    A young and a old bull are standing on top of a hill. They see around 20 cows standing down the hill.

    Young bull to the old bull: “Hey lets run down the hill and fuck one of these cows”!
    Old bull to the young bull: “No, lets just walk to them and fuck them all”!

  • http://www.theblackandblue.com/ Evan

    Haha have heard that one before but always like a good reminder of it! Thanks :)

  • Chris Keth

    Q: Why were camera dollies invented?

    A: To teach grips to walk upright. ;)

  • http://www.theblackandblue.com/ Evan

    Haha! That’s a new one for me. Thanks for sharing Chris!

  • CinnaOne

    Oh there’s a thousand of those.

    How many Grips does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: That’s an Electrician’s job.

    How many Electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: That’s not a lightbulb, it’s a LAMP.

    How many Teamsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: Twenty-five. …You got a problem wit dat?

  • http://www.diyfilmschool.net/ DIYFilmSchool.net

    I really liked 7, 8 and 10. I may not be in the camera department, but that doesn’t mean I can’t relate.

  • swopiv

    Hey, just found your blog. Let me add this: (Pinched from http://www.raindance.co.uk/site/index.php?id=479,8132,0,0,1,0)

    Q: How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

    I love this, I get a picture of consternation and after the third ‘smash’: “Hmm. Must be a bad batch…”