Females Beware: It’s a Feeding Frenzy for You in the Ocean of the Film Industry

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Females Beware: It’s a Feeding Frenzy in the Ocean of the Film IndustryCreative Commons License photo credit: USFWS Headquarters

There she stood ignorant to the danger surrounding her.

With each flash of her smile and brush of her hair, she risked an attack at any moment.

I wanted to scream, “Get out of there! Watch out!” but my lips locked tight as I darted my eyes between her and the job I was doing.

I felt helpless as I watched them close-in, her simple beauty chumming the water for the hungry sharks circling around her.

Then, as quickly as I looked down to clean a lens, it happened.

An older actor, at least three times her own age, approached her with his hand oustretched followed by a flimsy attempt at flirtation.

It was too late — the first strike had happened and the feeding frenzy began…

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The Unwanted Job of Curating a Blacklist

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The Unwanted Job of Curating a BlacklistCreative Commons License photo credit: TOKY

He never even knew it happened. I didn’t tell him and, as far as I know, he has never found out. What effect it’s had on him, if any, I’m not even sure of.

But adding him to my blacklist was something I needed to do — because I never wanted to work with him again.

And that’s what my blacklist is full of: directors, producers, crew, production companies, and rental houses that I would be happy to never encounter in my professional life again.

It may sound petty, but maintaining a blacklist has helped me miss some sketchy shoots and avoid crew that would ultimately steer my career in the wrong direction.

Plus, I’m not the only one keeping a list like it. And, in all likelihood, I’m probably on a few myself.

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The Glorious Gluttony of Filming in Restaurants and the Best Meal Ever Had

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The Glorious Gluttony of Shooting in Restaurants

Free meals is one of the best perks of working in the film industry.

But, to be honest, it’s a little weird. How many other jobs do you know of where the employees show up and expect their boss to feed them?

That doesn’t make it any less awesome, however, and the free lunch I get whenever on set always tastes a little better than the same meal I cook myself at home. Maybe it’s because I eat it with a dose of hard work or maybe it’s because it’s consumed in the company of friends – I am not sure.

I am sure, however, that some of the best meals I’ve eaten have been ones in the midst of a 12 hour day — especially when filming inside a restaurant.

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Actors Say the Darndest (Crudest) Things!

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Actors Say the Darndest (Crudest) Things!Creative Commons License photo credit: m-oo

When they’re not reading from their script, actors can be hilarious, scary, and terribly awkward — sometimes at the same time — regardless if the camera is rolling or not.

Even though their performance is fed through a lens and molded by an edit, there is a live performance aspect to it that crew on set experience. In some ways, it’s like a private black box show with the camera at the proscenium separating talented actors and their audience of crew.

And on this stage, I’ve watched some of the most hilarious things take place — yep, by actors you would recognize — and been thankful I had a ticket to that private event.

Today, I want to share three of those funniest stories with you…

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The Soundtrack of the Film Set

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The Soundtrack of the Film SetCreative Commons License photo credit: AndYaDontStop

There are plenty of musicals about movies — “Singin’ in the Rain” comes to mind — but few realize that for as visual a medium as film is, the sets are filled to the brim with the auditory stimulants of musical melodies. There are countless examples:

  • Spike Jonze uses music on his sets to entertain crew
  • Francis Ford Coppola used music during filming of The Conversation
  • And anyone who straps a radio to a camera cart becomes a small set hero

The point is: filmmakers love music. Ever since the first films were produced, there was music set to them. It’s the silver screen’s partner in crime.

For crew, we love music too. I know I do at least. And whether I’m singing it, listening to it, or making it, I know it will always have a place for me on a film set…

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How an Ice Cream Cone Exposed the True Nature of Working Below the Line

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Girl eating a chocolate ice cream cone

Creative Commons License photo credit: MissMessie

It must’ve been the hottest summer in history when I agreed to drive an hour away to shoot a commercial in my home state of Virginia. I was warned it would be a long day, but that’s always subjective — I’ve worked 8 hour days that felt long and 15 hour days that flew by. It all depends on how much hustle you’re asked to put into your work.

But one thing I don’t think myself or my body will ever get used to is lugging around 50 lbs. camera rigs for 16 hours. Combined with the fiery heat that had been pummeling the East Coast of the USA that summer and I earned my pay on this shoot.

At one point, we had just wrapped a few shots at a local ice cream shop and were heading out onto the street and into the heat.

I hoofed it two blocks with the camera, sticks, and head to the next setup. I arrived by setting it down out-of-breath with sweat dripping down my face. When I turned to see how far behind everyone else was, I couldn’t help but laugh: the producer, director, and assistant director were all leisurely following while eating fresh vanilla ice cream cones.

“How perfect,” I thought.

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Discomfort Comes Easily to You on a Film Set

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Discomfort Comes Easy on a Film Set with Cave SqueezesCreative Commons License photo credit: Graham Racher

As a camera assistant, you end up in the oddest situations: in front of explosive fake blood squibs, inside the dirty den of a dilapidated strip club, and even holding the camera in the passenger seat of a Lamborghini Diablo (it’s true, this happened to me).

But not every scene mandates a strange location and, in fact, many are beautiful.

One thread I’ve seen weaved throughout my career is the appearance of — to borrow a term from caving — “squeezes.”

“Squeezes” are the nearly impossibly thin gaps between two large rocks cavers have to experience. To get through takes an incredible amount of persistence, time (sometimes hours), and a body that has never heard of “craft services.”

And while a squeeze on a film set doesn’t quite have the same deadly consequences of a cave, there is the feeling that you’ve got to do what it takes to get the shot — there’s no turning back.

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The Longest Moment On Set

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The Longest Moment on SetCreative Commons License photo credit: tibchris

As you sit there, writhing with anxiety, they’re talking. It’s a group huddle and you’re not invited. Instead, you’re merely a spectator waiting eagerly to hear their decision.

You know that if they walk away with smiles on their faces, you’re good to go.

But you also know it’s possible that the director will turn to the producer with an exasperated sigh and say, “Alright, one more time before we wrap.”

Of all the long moments that take place on set, this decision is by far the longest — or so it seems.

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The Little Squib that Couldn’t Splatter Blood

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The Little Squib that Couldn't Splatter BloodCreative Commons License photo credit: Le Clan Brunet

Transitioning to night shoots is always a feat. When you have to do it in a day’s time — for a two week span — it’s a Herculean effort.

That was the case on a horror film I was shooting. And in the midst of these dark nights, we had to do some blood effects using squibs, or fake vessels of blood that explode and simulate wounds opening. Squibs range from the realisitcally subtle to the overblown absurd.

There are also two types of squibs I’ve run into in my day: the compressed air squib and the explosive squid. Each has their advantages and disadvantages (mainly cheap vs. pricey), but there’s a good reason why I have always considered compressed air squibs to be a waste of time.

Here’s that story.

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The Gift and the Curse of Zeiss Superspeed Lenses

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Carl Zeiss Superspeed Aperture Closeupphoto credit: Aperture Pictures

It was the weight in my hands that I first learned to appreciate. The solid build and unrelenting sturdiness of it drew me in to admire the precision and power of the lens.

After that it was the way I could look through it and see a different world — distorted and warped — yet clearer than my own eyes.

And though it’s a challenge to pull focus on Zeiss Superspeeds, it’s that dance between myself, the camera and the lens — when everything falls sharp as a tack — that made me fall in love.
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